Despite not being able to fully bend my leg, I'm starting to pass as ‘normal’ most of the time! You'd never really know there was anything wrong with me until I'm required to squat, sit cross-legged, jump up and down or run for my life. I still can't do any of that yet, which is a bit terrifying when I have an anxiety day. What happens if I was required to suddenly do those things in a state of emergency and couldn't?! Or someone randomly decides to do The Dirty Dancing lift with me and puts me down a bit heavily? For most things in life I think normal is boring and I do everything I can to stay away from that, but when it comes to your body doing what it's supposed to do, normal is great! Then I like normal!
This is the area where mine is struggling at the moment in terms of bone density, regulating hormones and leg bendability. But screw that for now- because this week I was to put on the biggest most believable show of ‘Normal’ ever, as I embarked on my first big presenting gig since surgery...
I was booked to host and present at a week-long automotive event for the motoring giant Ford. Little me, back on stage with a Britney style mic hooked round my face, in a bright spotlight, in front of 200+ people a day. YES LIFE! Back doing what I love: talking in front of people and presenting. Only this time with a femur that throbs in time with my heartbeat as my adrenaline pumps. But no one would ever know! Thanks to physio Jeff, Catherine at the Hyperbaric Oxygen Chamber, and my sheer determination to ‘walk prettily’ again- I've not got a limp! Yes, it's something I still have to be incredibly mindful of and practise daily, but I think I'm hopefully out of the woods in terms of potentially having a limp for life.
On this event we were required to wear smart black jeans so again, no one would see my scar, therefore ticking another “she seems normal!” box in the Ford delegates eyes. (I use the term ‘normal’ loosely as those who know me personally, wouldn't use that word to describe me in a million years.)
One thing I would have to get used to though would be remembering to pack my hormones when I’m away with work. I've never really been on medication before so it's not something that's at the forefront of my mind. Unlike coffee. If I’m away for more than four nights in a hotel, I’ll bring my mini Nespresso machine and set it up in the room.
I've now added oestrogen patches, testosterone cream and progesterone tablets to my packing list, ahead of coffee pods and almond milk. I then enter what I call the ‘Event Bubble’. Where your alarm is set for 4:30 AM each day, you go from hotel to venue to hotel, repeat. Averaging a solid four to five hours sleep a night if you're lucky. (Now do you see why I bring my coffee machine?!) And do you know what? I bloody love it! Working with an awesome team of people, all coming together to make the show happen. Fully living on my adrenaline, feeding off the crowd, bathed in dry ice and fancy lights! The very feeling I couldn't possibly recreate while sat on my sofa in my massive leg brace for weeks on end. The only problem was with the early starts this time is, it hadn't been that long ago since I took my bedtime progesterone before waking to my alarm... I felt like its soothing, sleep inducing effects hadn't really worn off yet, so while my brain was saying “it's showtime!” my body was saying otherwise. I'll have to find a way of combating this for future events. I’m considering a mild electric shock before going out on stage, that might do the trick.
I may have overdone it slightly as when my colleagues were at the hotel bar after work, I'd be in the hotel gym on the bike trying to get my leg to bend. They'd be sat there with their well-earned glasses of wine and a pizza, and I’d reluctantly drag myself past them with an iPad and my presenter script under my arm to rehearse my sessions while on the treadmill. I discovered that the rhythm of walking really helped drum things into my brain that I was trying to memorise. Plus, it still sparks sheer joy in me that I can actually WALK again! A novelty I don't think will wear off in a very long time. Despite hotel gyms being the most uninspiring places, this one wasn't half bad (apart from the retro leg press machine. I've never seen anything like that in my life!) I then propelled myself back up the stairs to join the rest of the team for a fizzy water and a bowl of soup as it was the only thing I could eat on the bar menu.
All in all, the week was a huge success and Presenter Sophie is fully back on the scene! The job was made even better by the fact we had a support dog on set. Milo was the star of the show and was specially trained to sense raising cortisol in his owner. If only he could sense when people had brittle bones! And pre-empt when they might be doing something potentially dangerous to themselves like jumping off pit walls…
I'd almost nailed the intense week until Saturday morning when my body said NOPE, and I woke up with a horrible cold/ fever, shivers, snotty thing. Not had one of them in forever! Oh well, a blast up the M6 toll in Pedro from London to Manchester would rid me of any ill feeling. At least my adrenaline got me through when it mattered most. Naturally I ordered some fancy vitamin C supplements after learning all about Liposomes and how they make the vitamin C four times more absorbable for our bodies, so I won't just be pissing it away. My inner supplements geek was buzzing!
As I write this I'm currently gearing up for the opening of the BTCC season at Donington Park. I'm beyond excited to get back with the team and thank them all, along with the medical team, for taking care of me in one of the scariest and most painful moments of my life. I never got to say bye to any of them as I was stretchered off the pit wall and into the back of an ambulance! I also owe them all a huge apology for causing such a scene in a moment that was meant to be about team victory, not me on the floor with my leg hanging off. (Disclaimer: I will probably cry when I see everyone!)
Not only that, but I have my first appointment with a private endocrinologist before I drive there. As we've established, I didn't even know what an endocrinologist was until a few weeks ago, but every day’s a school day folks! Like learning about liposomes. I really don't know what to expect but apparently, they can prescribe a higher dose of hormones than a GP can, which I may well need because of my age and how active I am. They'll want to do a deep dive into my bones, running more weird and wonderful tests on me. It all sounds a bit unnerving to be honest, but as long as the scans and tests don't involve cutting me out of my clothes, pumping me with someone else’s blood again, or telling me I can never drink coffee, I shall remain relatively unfazed. A bit like Milo the dog...
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